BDSM: Guide for Beginners
What is BDSM? BDSM is a broad term for consensual adult play and role-play. It has three parts: BD (Bondage & Discipline), DS (Dominance & Submission), and SM (Sadism & Masochism). The key word is consent. Partners talk first, agree limits and safewords, and give care after play. That is what makes BDSM different from abuse.
Safety basics: Agree boundaries and a safeword. Start light and slow. Do aftercare to help both partners return to a calm, connected state.
Archetypes
Ageplayer
What it is: Pretending to be older or younger as part of play. Props and behaviour can match the chosen age, but it is role-play between consenting adults.
Why people like it: Can feel safe, comforting, playful or mischievous; offers clear guidance or caretaking.
Tips: Agree the age range, language, clothing/props, and off-limits topics. Keep real-life responsibilities separate from the role.
Brat
What it is: A playful, cheeky submissive who teases, resists lightly, or “breaks rules” to invite attention and correction.
Why people like it: Adds humour and challenge; the push-pull dynamic creates spark without true disobedience.
Tips: Define fun bratting vs. going too far. Agree fair, consensual consequences and repair steps.
Brat Tamer
What it is: A dominant who enjoys guiding and taming brats without taking offence—firm, calm, playful.
Why people like it: Enjoys the dance of challenge and control, using skill rather than anger.
Tips: Set clear rules and rewards. Keep tone warm but consistent so the brat feels held, not harshly punished.
Daddy/Mummy
What it is: A caring dominant who mixes authority with nurture—soft outside, strong inside.
Why people like it: Guidance, praise, and structure can feel deeply soothing and intimate.
Tips: Agree what “care” includes (check-ins, routines, tasks) and what it does not. Avoid real-life parenting dynamics unless both want that theme.
Degrader
What it is: Someone who enjoys consensually using degrading words or tasks.
Why people like it: Taboo language or power imbalance can create strong arousal for some.
Tips: Pre-agree exact words and limits. Have a quick pause/reset phrase if emotions spike.
Dominant
What it is: The decision-maker who leads scenes or relationships and accepts responsibility for safety and structure.
Why people like it: Control, service from a partner, and the mental focus of leading.
Tips: Lead with empathy, not ego. Check consent often and invite feedback after scenes.
Degradee
What it is: Someone who enjoys being degraded within agreed limits.
Why people like it: Can create intense surrender, catharsis, or taboo arousal.
Tips: Use clear language lists: green (OK), yellow (careful), red (never). Plan gentle aftercare and reassurance.
Little
What it is: A submissive with playful, childlike energy; often needs soft guidance and reassurance.
Why people like it: Comfort, structure, and a safe space to be vulnerable and silly.
Tips: Agree routines or tasks if desired. Keep finances, consent, and adult duties strictly adult.
Masochist
What it is: Enjoys receiving specific types or levels of pain (e.g., spanking, impact; stingy vs. thuddy sensations).
Why people like it: Pain can release endorphins and deepen focus and surrender.
Tips: Build up slowly, use safe body areas, track marks/recovery. Keep ice, balm, and water ready.
Master/Mistress
What it is: A dominant with ongoing, often 24/7 authority over a consenting slave. High responsibility and trust.
Why people like it: Deep structure, service, and purpose; clear roles feel stabilising.
Tips: Use written agreements, review often, include exit rules, health breaks, and privacy boundaries.
Non-monogamist
What it is: Comfortable with more than one partner or relationship structure.
Why people like it: Variety, honesty, broader community, flexibility.
Tips: Share STI test routines, time management, and disclosure rules to protect all partners.
Owner
What it is: Takes responsibility for a consenting “pet” or “property”, sometimes 24/7. Can be sexual or not.
Why people like it: Clear roles, rituals, belonging, and daily structure.
Tips: Define daily care, communication rules, and privacy. Ensure gear is safe and hygienic.
Primal (Hunter)
What it is: Raw, instinct-driven “chaser” energy; less protocol, more natural movement and sound.
Why people like it: Feels animal, free, and present-moment.
Tips: Agree safe areas for roughhousing, nails/teeth rules, and a hand signal to pause instantly.
Pet
What it is: Acts as a pet (kitten, puppy, etc.) and may be owned; not always sexual.
Why people like it: Playfulness, comfort, simple roles with affection and routine.
Tips: Plan gear safety (collars, leashes), hydration, and a safeword that fits the role.
Primal (Prey)
What it is: Raw, instinct-driven “runner” energy; enjoys being chased or caught.
Why people like it: Adrenaline, surrender, and intense focus on sensation.
Tips: Set boundaries for speed, force, and surfaces. Keep first aid and water nearby.
Rigger
What it is: Enjoys tying and restraining partners with rope or hardware.
Why people like it: Art, control, connection, and the technical challenge of safe bondage.
Tips: Learn nerve safety, avoid joints, keep safety shears ready, and check circulation often.
Rope Bunny
What it is: Enjoys being tied and restrained.
Why people like it: Surrender, pressure, and rope aesthetics can be calming or erotic.
Tips: Report tingles or numbness quickly. Stretch before/after and hydrate.
Sadist
What it is: Enjoys giving consensual pain and reading a partner’s responses.
Why people like it: Precision, intensity, and crafting a strong experience.
Tips: Learn anatomy, start light, escalate slowly, and watch breath, colour, and mood closely.
Slave
What it is: Gives ongoing control to a Master/Mistress, often 24/7 within agreed rules.
Why people like it: Deep purpose, clarity, and the relief of full service.
Tips: Use contracts, regular reviews, safewords, and planned breaks. Protect work, finances, and family life.
Submissive
What it is: Likes to be led or to follow instructions; may be sexual only or part of daily life.
Why people like it: Surrender, focus, praise, and relief from decision fatigue.
Tips: Share limits clearly. Ask for check-ins and specific feedback so you feel safe and seen.
Switch
What it is: Sometimes dominant/top, sometimes submissive/bottom.
Why people like it: Flexibility, learning both sides, and meeting different partners’ needs.
Tips: Agree who leads in each scene and for how long. Avoid rapid switching if it causes confusion.
Vanilla
What it is: Prefers standard sex and mainstream relationship models.
Why people like it: Comfort, simplicity, and clarity—equally valid.
Tips: Communicate desires openly. You can borrow light BDSM elements (e.g., blindfolds) if curious.
Voyeur
What it is: Enjoys watching nudity or sexual activity.
Why people like it: Arousal from seeing real reactions and energy between others.
Tips: Only watch with consent. Discuss distance, talking rules, and whether touching yourself is allowed.
Exhibitionist
What it is: Enjoys being watched nude or during sexual activity.
Why people like it: Thrill, confidence, and being the centre of attention.
Tips: Keep it legal and private-venue only. Agree camera/phone rules and who may be present.
Experimentalist
What it is: An open-minded person who wants to try many things before deciding what they like.
Why people like it: Curiosity and learning through experience builds self-knowledge fast.
Tips: Keep a shared “yes/maybe/no” list, try one new element per scene, and debrief to track what works.
Consent, Communication, Aftercare
Consent: Freely given, reversible, informed, specific, and enthusiastic—stop any time.
Communication: Use simple traffic-light words (green/yellow/red). Check in during and after.
Aftercare: Water, warmth, reassurance, snacks, rest, and a next-day message. Plan it before you play.
